The craft of keeping secrets
Sharing is often celebrated as a virtue. From a young age, we’re taught that sharing is caring, that it’s the foundation of good relationships, and that it fosters a sense of community. But what if I told you that there’s another side to the story? What if sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself—and others—is to not share?
Welcome to the art of not sharing: a mindful practice of preserving your energy, safeguarding your peace, and maintaining boundaries in a world that often glorifies oversharing.
In this blog, we’ll explore why mastering the art of not sharing is crucial for your mental and emotional well-being, how it can improve your relationships, and practical ways to implement it into your daily life.
Understanding the Pressure to Share
The Social Media Effect
We live in an era where sharing is just a click away. Social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter have made it incredibly easy to broadcast our lives to the world. Whether it’s a vacation snapshot, a new job announcement, or even what you had for breakfast, it’s all out there for anyone to see.
But with this ease comes an unspoken pressure. The pressure to share, to be seen, and to keep up with the constant flow of information. This can lead to oversharing—revealing more than we’re comfortable with or more than others need to know. The result? Feelings of vulnerability, stress, and even regret.
The Misconception of Transparency
Another factor driving the compulsion to share is the misconception that total transparency equates to authenticity. While being open can foster trust in relationships, it’s important to recognize that not everything needs to be shared. Authenticity doesn’t require you to bare your soul at every opportunity. In fact, knowing what to keep private is a key element of being true to yourself.
Why Not Sharing is an Art
Protecting Your Energy
Not sharing isn’t about being secretive or closed off; it’s about being selective with your energy. Every time you share something personal, you’re giving away a piece of yourself. This isn’t inherently bad, but it becomes problematic when you’re constantly giving without replenishing.
By practicing the art of not sharing, you learn to conserve your energy for the things that truly matter—your passions, your close relationships, and your personal growth. It’s about being intentional with what you put out into the world.
Establishing Boundaries
Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, yet they’re often overlooked or undervalued. When you share too much, you risk blurring the lines between what’s yours and what’s others’. This can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and even emotional burnout.
The art of not sharing helps you establish and maintain boundaries. It allows you to control how much of yourself you give away and to whom. This doesn’t mean you should never share; it’s about sharing wisely and with purpose.
Cultivating Inner Peace
There’s a unique peace that comes from keeping certain things to yourself. Whether it’s a personal goal, a cherished memory, or a struggle you’re working through, holding onto these things can create a sense of inner calm. It’s like having a secret garden—a personal space where you can retreat, reflect, and grow without outside influence.
In a world that often feels chaotic and overwhelming, this inner peace is invaluable. It’s a reminder that not everything needs to be shared, and that some things are best kept close to your heart.
When (and What) Not to Share
Personal Problems and Struggles
It’s natural to want to share your problems with others, especially with those you trust. However, constantly venting or seeking validation from others can sometimes exacerbate the issue rather than solve it. Before you share, ask yourself: Am I sharing this to find a solution, or am I simply looking for sympathy?
Sometimes, working through your struggles privately or with a professional can be more beneficial than seeking external validation.
Future Plans and Goals
There’s a reason why the phrase “move in silence” exists. Sharing your goals prematurely can sometimes invite unnecessary pressure or even sabotage. When you keep your plans to yourself, you’re free to pursue them without outside opinions or expectations weighing you down.
Intimate Details of Relationships
Relationships thrive on intimacy and trust, but this doesn’t mean every detail needs to be shared with others. Oversharing about your relationship can lead to outside interference, misunderstandings, and even resentment between partners. It’s important to maintain a balance between seeking advice and preserving the sanctity of your relationship.
Financial Information
Money is a sensitive topic, and for good reason. Sharing too much about your financial situation—whether it’s your income, debts, or spending habits—can lead to envy, judgment, or even exploitation. It’s wise to keep financial matters private or only discuss them with trusted individuals like a financial advisor.
How to Master the Art of Not Sharing
Practice Mindful Sharing
Before you share something, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself:
- Why am I sharing this?
- Who will benefit from this information?
- How will I feel after sharing this?
Mindful sharing is about being intentional and thoughtful with what you choose to disclose. It helps you avoid impulsive oversharing and ensures that whatever you do share adds value to the conversation.
Embrace the Power of Silence
Silence is powerful. It allows you to listen, observe, and reflect. In conversations, don’t feel pressured to fill every gap with words. Sometimes, staying silent or simply acknowledging what’s being said is more impactful than adding your own input.
Create a Personal Journal
If you find it difficult to keep things to yourself, consider starting a personal journal. Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences is a great way to process them without the need to share with others. It’s a private outlet where you can express yourself freely and without judgment.
Set Boundaries with Social Media
Social media can be a double-edged sword. While it’s a great way to connect with others, it can also encourage oversharing. Set boundaries by limiting what you post and who can see your content. Consider creating a private account for close friends and family or taking regular breaks from social media altogether.
Respect Others’ Privacy
The art of not sharing isn’t just about your own boundaries; it’s also about respecting others’. Be mindful of what you share about other people, especially when it comes to their personal lives. Always ask for permission before sharing someone else’s story, and remember that some things are better left unsaid.
The Benefits of Practicing the Art of Not Sharing
Improved Mental Health
When you practice the art of not sharing, you’re less likely to experience the stress and anxiety that often accompany oversharing. By keeping certain things to yourself, you create a buffer between your personal life and the outside world, which can lead to a more peaceful and centered state of mind.
Stronger Relationships
Believe it or not, not sharing can actually strengthen your relationships. By setting boundaries and being selective with what you share, you create a sense of respect and trust. You’re also less likely to burden others with your problems, which can foster healthier, more balanced connections.
Increased Focus and Productivity
When you’re not constantly sharing or seeking validation from others, you have more time and energy to focus on your goals. You’re able to work in silence, away from the distractions of outside opinions, which can lead to greater productivity and success.
Greater Self-Awareness
The art of not sharing encourages introspection. By keeping certain things private, you’re forced to rely on your own judgment and intuition, which can lead to greater self-awareness and personal growth.
Conclusion: The Balance of Sharing and Not Sharing
In a world that often celebrates oversharing, mastering the art of not sharing is a powerful tool for protecting your peace, maintaining your boundaries, and fostering stronger relationships. It’s not about shutting people out; it’s about being intentional with what you choose to share and with whom.
Remember, you don’t owe anyone access to every part of your life. By practicing mindful sharing, embracing silence, and respecting both your own privacy and that of others, you can cultivate a life that’s both authentic and protected.
So the next time you feel the urge to share, take a moment to pause and reflect. Ask yourself, Is this something I need to share, or is it something I can keep for myself? You might be surprised at how empowering it feels to hold onto those little pieces of your life.